my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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