if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
