i will never coherently bang her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
