he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize