I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize