I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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