In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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