a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
