She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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