He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
its liver damage thursday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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