Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
