I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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