I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
