genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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