my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
