She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
