somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
