so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
