Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
