Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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