College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
