for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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