I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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