I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
