Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My cat gives me a boner
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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