this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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