look no pants
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
