I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
