Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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