That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
