Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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