CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
