so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
