i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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