I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
