you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
