I got chris browned last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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