why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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