she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
