I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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