I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
