I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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