I seem to have left my pride at pride
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
