I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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