alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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