Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
