So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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