You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
