i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
