oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
