Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
