Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
