problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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