i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was like eating out sand paper
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
