But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
