took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
