So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
