talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
