Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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