Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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