I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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