You're my little dorito
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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