My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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