Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
